We got snubbed at Dave and Amy's wedding!

xiaoxin's picture

by Xiaoxin

I honestly thought there was some misunderstanding when Heather first suggested that we were not invited to the reception. I asked Heather for a clarification and she told me Amy had responded �it�s full� when asked about directions to the reception. �But what does that mean?� I said. Heather didn�t know. Brian didn�t know. Jocelyn didn�t know. �There must have been too many people invited to the reception that it has become a fire hazard,� I joked. �It could be,� Brian responded. Well there must be some misunderstanding. Why would we not be invited when I had talked to Amy weeks prior and I told her we were definitely coming to the wedding. And of course when I say wedding, I mean the ceremony plus the reception. To me it is only a combination of those two parts that makes a wedding a wedding. That said, I remember from our conversation Amy specifically telling me that only Heather and I are invited and no one else. She went on to explain this is because they only have a certain number of spaces available. I told her I totally understand that weddings are expensive and so it would be only me and Heather. It would be in bad form if I had invited others, and I would never do that. So, why would she make an effort to say such a thing if she had no intention of inviting us to the reception?

I walked over to talk to Amy to clear this up. I asked �Amy, are we not invited to the reception?� She turned and looked at me blankly for a moment. �It�s full.� she replied. �But what does that mean?� I exclaimed. And just at that moment the ubiquitous cute kid was sent slithering towards her grabbing her attention. It suddenly dawned on me that the kid was undoubtedly unleashed as a distraction. The timing was too perfect. The bride bent over to dote on the ubiquitous cute kid while I just stood there shocked that she would say such a thing and for that thing that she said to be acceptable. I waited as long as I could but it was evident that she was not going to rise and continue our conversation. Photos were being snapped and as to appear not completely foolish, I took some pictures of the bride and the ubiquitous cute kid too.

I walked away back to my posse and said, �yup, she said it was full so I guess we�re not invited.� And at that point, I started to feel a bit rejected and slightly hurt. But I was still curious. I still don�t understand what �it�s full� means. Does that mean we�re invited but not? If I knew we weren�t invited to the reception I wouldn�t have come to the wedding. Only when you include the reception does a wedding become complete. Leaving out the drinking, dancing, and fun celebrating that is the reception would make a wedding incomplete. So alas were we invited to a wedding but not at the same time? Why weren�t we invited? I needed an answer. And I intended to find out so I walked over to her parents. They shook my hand graciously and Joseph Paradise (Amy�s father) started to apologize and tell me that there were only so many place settings and that moving the chairs and adding new place settings would be too much trouble. I don�t know what I said but it wasn�t bad. I think I said �Oh, I understand.� Not much to say really. I walked away rejected. The clear realization we were not invited finally dawned upon me. Brian�s invited. So is everyone else. Why were we singled out? And why is it too much trouble to move a few chairs? I don�t really care about a dinner; if there wasn�t enough food I won�t eat. I still want to celebrate Amy and Dave�s wedding. It wouldn�t have mattered. I�ll grab a chair and sit off by the side. I just wanted to be with my friends. I want to complete this transaction and complete all that it is�a wedding. Dejected, Heather and I decided to leave what is left of this fiasco but before we did, there was that matter of the gift that is sitting in the car. I had bought it with the intention of giving it to the bride and groom at the reception. But now seeing as we�re not invited, the situation has changed. I could still return it. But I felt that would be petty. I had a better idea. So as the bride and groom drove away in their classic limo I ran to my car and brought out the gift. Then I stood in front of Joe and handed the gift to him. �Since we�re not going to be at the reception here�s the gift for Amy and Dave.�

So now we�re bitter, we feel singled out, excluded and uninvited but I think we had a right to be. I also think a response of �IT�S FULL� when someone asks about the reception is never appropriate. With all of that crap being said I wish Amy and Dave the best for the future and that if Amy and Dave are ever invited to my wedding they are most certainly also invited to the reception. I would never make anyone feel uninvited, it would be impolite.

  • Pictures take at David and Amy's Wedding are in the gallery.
  • Interestingly this thread on ourmarriage.com outlines very well my feelings that this was somehow against wedding etiquette to invite someone to the ceremony but not the reception. Remember my equation: WEDDING = CEREMONY + RECEPTION