In a move calculated to sicken and shock news services around the world, local woman Miccah Smith Duckett announced at an international press conference Sunday that she is "still pregnant, thank you for asking."
Duckett was last seen in public on June 18, when, in a widely publicized scandal, she reportedly seized a steaming pouch of Burger King shrimp from acclaimed pouch designer Ugoff at Charlotte's Nordstrom department store.
Nordstrom store employee Fanny Biggs recalled, "It was a nightmare. She overpowered him easily, but I think she made a big mess of the cosmetics department just to get attention. There was broken glass, spilled M.A.C. makeup and crying gay-boys everywhere. Mrs. Duckett was smeared all over with iridescent Peacock Blue Eye Creme, whereas Pistachio Paradise is really a better color for her. She had Ugoff by the hair, and he was squealing like a stuck pig. I don't know if the store will ever recover its fiscal and PR losses at this point."
Duckett has refused to pay a court-ordered fine to the store, citing "hormonal imbalances" and "insufficient funds."
She also told reporters that, having consumed a steady diet of ice cream and dollar-menu fast-food, she has gained an additional 200 pounds during the past two months.
Duckett attributes the weight to the growing "Baby X", but a local obstetrician has stated that her six-month-old fetus could weigh, at maximun, 3.5 pounds.